


i thought i was alone

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Existential Angst, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, M/M, void
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 17:10:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6017982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi could only infer of something before, something other than blackness. If not, then where did all of the words in his head come from? Why was he able to even attempt to fathom something before, something like sight, something like sound, something like color?</p>
            </blockquote>





	i thought i was alone

**Author's Note:**

> yeah haha i did this two nights ago when i was a lil tipsy so i fixed it up and it's still shit. i like it though, it's weird. it's borderline existential crisis-y so if you're not comfortable with that, then this might not be the best thing to read. but enjoy if you want, and if you hate it, that's cool too!

Silence.

It's something that Yamaguchi had become accustomed to, or at least, that's what he thought. The amount of time that he's spent in this black void is unknown. He could have been there for a few minutes. He also could have been there for a century. Time isn't really measurable when there is nothing to confirm it. Was time even something to be measured? Yamaguchi was pretty sure that wasn't the correct word. There were many things that Yamaguchi wasn't sure about, like why did he have a conscience, why did he know his name, _how_ did he know his name?

He has no recollection of anything other than darkness and nothingness, which was puzzling, to say the least. Yamaguchi could only infer of something before, something other than blackness. If not, then where did all of the words in his head come from? Why was he able to even attempt to fathom something before, something like sight, something like sound, something like color? What is sight? What is sound? Yes, what is color? These words without definitions and definitions without words were the things that Yamaguchi thought about. He could only wish to understand. He could only wish to visualize, but of course, it is only another word that he could never comprehend.

Yamaguchi wants an answer to all of these things that he does not know.

He has never tried to do anything. Because he thought it was useless, Yamaguchi never made an effort to acquire new information. No, he knew it was useless. What could he possibly do that could move him forward? Maybe he should try something for once. It would be an awkward change of pace, but a stimulating one. Maybe it would only be valued as something to spice up the rest of his eternity if nothing else.

But then, he heard a sound.

"Hello."

Yamaguchi was overwhelmed with emotion. Words started fitting in the place and he heard a sound. It was a voice that didn't seem to come from any particular direction, it's just a strong solid _sound_ that filled his senses. And just like that, he responded back.

"What—" Yamaguchi squeaks out in surprise. How did he do that? His voice sounded shaky and quiet. He had never made a sound, and his attempt is comparable to that of a baby bird trying to learn to fly.

"Oh." The voice uttered back, laced with mild disbelief. Yamaguchi was taken aback by how endearing it was to hear this thing speak, whatever it was, it was making _noise._  This fondness was most likely due to it being the first sound that Yamaguchi had ever heard, but the thought didn't even surface to him at the time.

With a long beat of silence and a moment or two for Yamaguchi to regain his composure, he responds, "Who are you?"

"Who are _you_?"

"I'm Yamaguchi," He barked back, almost immediately, cowering under the authority dripping from the other voice. "Yamaguchi Tadashi."

"Tsukishima Kei," Tsukishima replied with little interest. "Can you see me?"

Another beat of silence.

"See?"

"Oh. Good," there was an exhale of breath that Yamaguchi could only guess was from Tsukishima. "I can't see you either."

Yamaguchi wasn't sure what was going on. He was fascinated that the sound of something else could answer so many questions that he has had in his head for a long time by simply just existing. It could have been considered scary, but it actually made Yamaguchi feel safe, knowing that he's not alone

"Do you remember what it's like? Being able to see?" Yamaguchi offered, trying to see if he could get Tsukishima to answer any more questions since he seemed to be so talented at that.

"Yes."

The single word hung in the air and seemed to resonate within Yamaguchi's being.

"Do you know where we are?" Yamaguchi asks another broad question.

"No."

"Did you have a life before this?"

Yamaguchi waits a long while before Tsukishima responds, "Did you?"

Yamaguchi is about to speak, but then he stops. He doesn't know, he doesn't know anything. He wonders about what his life would be like, and what Tsukishima's life would be like, falsely hoping that thinking hard enough will help to answer Tsukishima's question.

"Yes." Tsukishima interrupted, "I did."

The next long span of time consisted of Yamaguchi asking questions and Tsukishima answering vaguely and without explanation. From time to time, Yamaguchi would try to pry more information out of him, and from time to time, Tsukishima would provide.

As the two became more familiar with each other, even Tsukishima would ask a question or two to keep things going. Yamaguchi was starting to think that this was his meaning, to aimlessly ask questions and receive bullshit in return, but he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it.

 

* * *

 

"What do you remember about your life, Tsukki?"

Yamaguchi was aware that straying to that topic of conversation didn't always go over too well with Tsukishima. The other voice would always clip his words; it was obvious to Yamaguchi that it was a touchy subject. He was also aware that Tsukki was never too keen on this new nickname that was assigned to him.

In any case, the supposed distaste for the nickname was more akin to embarrassment.

There was a long sigh from Tsukishima, as he droned, "No matter what I say, you will never understand unless you have felt and you have seen before."

He was correct, Yamaguchi realized, and it was enough to get him to shut up for a while. He had always assumed that he had felt because that's what emotion was, right?

Yamaguchi sure knew what he was feeling now, however. It was jealousy. _Why can you remember but I can't? Did I have a life too?_ He wanted to scream, yet he didn't, knowing that it wouldn't do any good.

How lucky Tsukishima was, to be able to know what it's like to see beauty, what it's like to see ugliness, what it's like to see. Yamaguchi did feel like he knew what beauty is, though, and it was something he heard all of the time.

"Uh," Tsukishima paused, "I remember bits and pieces. Nothing too specific."

Yamaguchi sensed slight guilt, and if he was being completely honest, it was almost amusing to hear Tsukishima's emotion show through his words a bit.

"Like what?"

"Hm," Tsukishima sounded (or didn't sound) like he was contemplating something too hard, "I guess what I looked like, who I was, the basic stuff."

"Who were you?"

"Tsukishima."

"No!" Yamaguchi chuckled, "What type of person were you?"

"Uh. Same as I am now?"

"So you were rude in your real life, too?" Yamaguchi joked, causing Tsukishima to let out a puff of air.

"Shut up, Yamaguchi."

"Sorry, Tsukki!"

Despite Tsukishima's words, Yamaguchi felt happier than he's ever been.

 

* * *

 

 

"Okay. What's your favorite animal?"

"Dinosaur."

"Wow, that's amazing!" Yamaguchi exclaimed, "What's a dinosaur?"

"An animal."

"Tsukki!" Yamaguchi whined. He knew the basic principles of animals and food and similar things, Tsukishima had tried to explain to him. Of course, like most things, he could never truly understand all of the things that his friend did, but he had come to accept that.

"They weren't around when I was living, it doesn't matter now," Tsukishima said, choppy and hesitant.

"Are you sure you're... y'know dead?" Death was something that made more sense to him. Being there and then disappearing seemed familiar to Yamaguchi, in a melancholy way.

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"Maybe. But," Yamaguchi gets a fluttery feeling, "I didn't have anything before this, and I'm happy you're here now. I thought I was alone."

An anxious second of silence later, Tsukishima made a sound reminiscent to a breathy laugh.

"Yeah. Me too."

Yamaguchi was relieved. He didn't know why he was on edge in the first place, but all of a sudden a weight has been lifted off of his non-existent, metaphorical shoulders. He started to ponder another stupid question to ask when Tsukishima takes his place.

"I think you will begin to remember."

"What?"

"I've been remembering more and more lately. You're bound to be next, right?

An unknown emotion bubbled inside of Yamaguchi, before he answered with enthusiasm, "Yeah."

"..."

"What's your favorite food?

"Oh my god, Yamaguchi."

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey, Tsukki. Do you like it here?"

"Not really," Tsukishima replied without hesitation. Yamaguchi almost commented on it but decided he didn't really care, and let it slide.

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima had created a weird sort of game in which they go back and forth with questions and they have to answer as soon as possible. There wasn't a consequence, other than some slight teasing. Tsukishima was 'winning'.

"Your turn."

"Yamaguchi. Why do you ask questions that you know you will never understand the answer to?" Tsukishima drew out the other voice's name.

"I do it for you." Yamaguchi's answer was instantaneous as well, having asked the same question to himself many times before.

"That's dumb." Yamaguchi could have laughed at the bafflement that was poorly hidden behind Tsukishima's words.

"My turn~! Okay... so that time you said hello, was that after a really long time, or did you say that the first thing you got here?"

Yamaguchi was proud of himself for wording the questions as confusing as he did. He was trying to stump Tsukishima after all. However, it wasn't as effective as he originally thought.

"I was here a while before I said it, but who the hell knows how long?" Tsukishima replied pretty fast, Yamaguchi will give him this round.

"Alright. Are you a dream?"

"I wish." Tsukishima snorted at Yamaguchi's answer. Yamaguchi wasn't lying, he doesn't like existing in this black void. The fluttering came back to him and he couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Okay, my turn. Hm." Yamaguchi didn't think this far. He didn't have any questions left.

"Cat got your tongue?"

"No! Uh, have you ever fallen in love?" _Shit, what a stupid question._ Yamaguchi wished that he could eat his words and disappear, but he was never visible to begin with, now was he?

"I—" Tsukishima lowered his voice. "I think," his usually self-assured voice faltered and trembled. Yamaguchi heard a noise that wasn't Tsukishima, a flat tone that hid behind the other voice's stutter. It kept getting louder.

"I think I just did."

**Author's Note:**

> hey so i didn't get this beta-read (sorry) so there will most likely be tense problems, but I edited it so it shouldn't bee too bad. let me know if you see any errors.


End file.
